When someone you love is struggling with alcohol addiction, it’s hard to know what to do, or what will actually help. You want to say the right things. You want them to get better. But you also might feel confused, frustrated, and powerless.
Helping someone stop drinking isn’t about controlling their choices. It’s about learning how to support them in a way that’s compassionate, realistic, and healthy for both of you.
This guide walks you through how to help an alcoholic recognize the problem, how to support them through treatment, and how to stay involved in a way that encourages long-term sobriety.
How to Help an Alcoholic Stop Drinking
Before treatment comes awareness.
And for many people with alcohol use disorder, recognizing the problem is the hardest part. It’s common for people to downplay how much they’re drinking or insist they have it under control, even when the consequences say otherwise.
Your support can make a big difference, but how you show that support matters.
Here’s how to approach this sensitive stage with care.
Understand They Have to Want to Change
You can’t force someone to stop drinking. No matter how much you care or how clear the issue seems to you, sobriety is only sustainable when the person wants it for themselves. Still, you can help guide them toward that realization by offering steady, nonjudgmental support.
Try to avoid lectures, pressure, or emotional ultimatums. Focus instead on open, honest conversations where you express concern, ask questions, and stay connected. Change often begins with a seed planted in the right environment, and your approach can either nurture that seed or make it harder for it to grow.
Recognize the Signs of Alcohol Use Disorder
Sometimes it’s not obvious whether someone’s drinking has crossed the line into addiction. Understanding signs of alcohol addiction can help you better assess the situation and offer the right kind of support.
Some signs of alcohol use disorder include:
- Drinking more often or in larger amounts than intended
- Needing alcohol to relax, socialize, or cope with stress
- Failed attempts to cut back or quit
- Increased tolerance; needing more alcohol to feel the same effect
- Mood swings, irritability, or defensiveness when drinking is questioned
- Neglecting responsibilities at work, home, or in relationships
- Drinking in risky situations, like before driving or while taking medication
If several of these apply, it’s a strong indication that alcohol is no longer something they’re choosing—it’s something that’s taking control.
Have an Honest, Compassionate Conversation
If you’ve noticed the signs and are worried, it’s important to speak up. But how you approach the conversation can make all the difference. Choose a calm moment when they’re sober, and avoid accusations or emotional outbursts.
Instead, share what you’ve observed and how it’s affecting you or others. Use “I” statements that express concern without blame, like:
- “I’ve been really worried about you lately.”
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking more, and I’m scared it’s starting to affect your health.”
- “I miss spending time with you when alcohol isn’t involved.”
Your goal isn’t to convince them on the spot. It’s to open a door and let them know you care, you see what’s happening, and you’re there to support them when they’re ready.
Avoid Enabling Behaviors
Sometimes, in trying to help, we accidentally make it easier for the person to keep drinking. This is called enabling, usually from a place of love or fear.
Examples of enabling include:
- Making excuses for their behavior or covering for them
- Helping them avoid consequences, like calling in sick to work on their behalf
- Offering money that ends up being used for alcohol
- Ignoring the issue because confronting it feels too difficult
Setting boundaries doesn’t mean being cold or cutting them off. It means protecting your own well-being while encouraging them to take responsibility. Let them know you’re there for them, but not for the addiction.
How to Help an Alcoholic Get Help
Once someone acknowledges they have a problem with alcohol, the next step is finding the right kind of support. But for many people, this part can feel overwhelming or intimidating, especially if they’ve never gone through treatment before or don’t know what to expect. That’s where you can step in to make the process feel more manageable.
Your role isn’t to do it all for them, but to help clear the path and walk beside them while they take those first steps toward getting sober.
Learn About Treatment Options First
Before offering suggestions, it helps to understand what’s out there. Not every program is the same, and knowing the basics can help you provide more informed, relevant support.
Some common options include:
- Medical detox: Helps manage withdrawal symptoms in a safe, supervised setting
- Inpatient rehab: A structured, live-in program that includes therapy, support, and 24/7 care
- Outpatient programs: Treatment sessions that allow the person to live at home while attending therapy or support groups
- Dual diagnosis programs: Designed for people dealing with both substance use and mental health issues
Reading up on what each level of care offers can help you guide your loved one toward the option that fits their needs best.
Offer Support Through the Process
Taking that first step toward treatment is hard. Even if your loved one is ready, they may feel anxious, ashamed, or unsure of what to do next. You can help by offering encouragement in small, concrete ways.
Here are a few ideas:
- Help them research treatment programs and read reviews together
- Offer to make phone calls or sit with them while they ask questions
- Drive them to a consultation or intake appointment
- Talk through concerns or fears they might have about treatment
- Remind them that getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness
Just knowing someone is in their corner can make a big difference in how confident and supported they feel during this stage.
Respect Their Autonomy While Staying Involved
Even with the best intentions, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to take over or push too hard. Recovery has to be something they choose, not something they feel forced into. If you try to control the process, it can backfire and create resistance or resentment.
Instead, make it clear that you’re there for them whether they’re ready now or need more time. Let them lead, and stay involved in a way that honors their boundaries while reinforcing your support.
Support for You Matters Too
Caring for someone with an alcohol problem is emotionally draining. You may feel overwhelmed, scared, or unsure how to help without losing yourself in the process. That’s why it’s important to find your own support system.
Consider:
- Joining a support group like Al-Anon or SMART Recovery Family & Friends
- Talking with a therapist who understands addiction and family dynamics
- Setting boundaries to protect your emotional and physical health
The more grounded you are, the more effectively you’ll be able to support your loved one without burning out.
How to Help an Alcoholic Stay Sober
Getting sober is a major milestone, but staying sober is a lifelong process. After treatment ends, your loved one will face new challenges: navigating everyday stress without alcohol, managing triggers, and adjusting to life in recovery. This is where ongoing support becomes crucial.
As someone close to them, you can play a valuable role in their long-term success by helping them stay grounded, connected, and supported through each stage of their recovery.
Encourage a Structured Aftercare Plan
A good rehab program doesn’t just end with discharge. It includes a plan for what comes next. This might include:
- Ongoing therapy
- Outpatient counseling
- Support group attendance
- Medication management
- Regular check-ins with a recovery coach or counselor
If your loved one hasn’t already discussed aftercare, gently encourage them to do so. Having a plan reduces the risk of relapse and provides a sense of direction after inpatient treatment ends.
Help Them Stay Accountable Without Controlling Them
Accountability is important, but it has to come from a place of support rather than pressure. Instead of constantly checking up on them, try to create an environment where open, honest conversations about sobriety feel safe.
You can also:
- Check in regularly to ask how they’re feeling, not just whether they’re sober
- Celebrate milestones, even small ones, to reinforce progress
- Remind them of their goals and what’s changed for the better since they stopped drinking
- Offer a ride to therapy or a meeting if they’re struggling to stay motivated
What matters most is that they feel seen and supported, not micromanaged or judged.
Be Mindful of Triggers
Certain people, places, or situations can trigger the urge to drink, especially in the early stages of recovery. Being aware of these triggers can help you avoid unintentionally putting them in harm’s way.
Some ways to be mindful:
- Don’t keep alcohol in shared spaces if you live together
- Avoid pressuring them to attend social events where drinking will be involved
- Check in with them before making plans to make sure they feel comfortable
- Offer alternatives to drinking-centered activities
When in doubt, ask what helps and what doesn’t. Your effort to understand and adapt will go a long way.
Stay Patient and Keep Showing Up
Recovery isn’t linear. There might be setbacks or hard days, even after months or years of sobriety. Staying patient through those ups and downs, and continuing to show up, can help your loved one stay committed, even when things get tough.
Remind them that healing takes time and that one difficult day doesn’t erase all their progress. Just being present, listening, and encouraging them to keep going is often the most powerful support you can give.
Help Is A Phone Call Away at Northpoint Recovery
Helping someone you care about get and stay sober is one of the hardest, and most meaningful, things you can do. It takes patience, courage, and empathy. And while you can’t make the choice for them, you can walk beside them, offering steady support through every stage of the journey.
If your loved one is ready for help, or if you’re not sure where to start, we’re here to guide you.
At Northpoint Recovery, we offer compassionate, evidence-based care for individuals struggling with alcohol addiction. From detox to aftercare, our team is here to support long-term recovery.
Reach out today to learn how we can help you and your loved one take the next step.
How to Help an Alcoholic Loved One FAQs
1. What if the person doesn’t think they have a problem?
If someone denies they have a drinking problem, forcing the issue can create distance. Instead of arguing, try focusing on how their drinking is affecting their life, health, or relationships. Express concern without judgment and offer support if they ever decide they want help. Sometimes planting the seed is all you can do at first.
2. Can you force someone to go to rehab?
In most cases, no one can be forced into rehab unless they’re a danger to themselves or others and meet criteria for involuntary commitment (which varies by state). However, you can set clear boundaries, hold firm to your limits, and encourage treatment without ultimatums. Sometimes interventions, when done with care, can help open the door to change.
3. What should I avoid saying to someone who’s struggling with alcohol?
Shaming, blaming, or using guilt tends to backfire. Avoid phrases like “Why can’t you just stop?” or “You’re ruining everything.” Instead, try using “I” statements that focus on your own experience, like: “I’m really worried about you,” or “I miss the way things used to be between us.”
4. What if they relapse after going to rehab?
Relapse doesn’t mean treatment failed. It’s often part of the recovery process. What matters is how you respond. Stay calm, avoid accusations, and encourage them to re-engage with their recovery plan. They may need to adjust their treatment or add new supports like sober living or additional therapy.
5. Is there anything I can do if I live far away?
Yes. You can still offer emotional support through regular check-ins, help research treatment or virtual support groups, or connect them with local resources. Many outpatient programs and therapy services offer telehealth options now, which can also help them stay connected to care no matter where they are.
6. What support is available for families?
Supporting someone with alcohol addiction can take a toll. Family-specific resources like Al-Anon, SMART Recovery for families, or therapy with an addiction-informed counselor can help you process your own feelings, set boundaries, and support your loved one in a healthier, more sustainable way.