Bringing up addiction with someone you care about isn’t easy. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, pushing them away, or making the situation worse. But staying silent doesn’t make the problem go away — and speaking up could be the first step in helping them get the support they need.
You don’t need to be an expert, have a perfect plan, or stage a full intervention just yet. However, it is crucial that you’re prepared for a few possible outcomes and responses. When done thoughtfully, a conversation like this can be a powerful turning point.
Signs It Might Be Time to Confront Someone About Addiction
Sometimes, the signs are hard to ignore. Other times, it’s more of a gut feeling that something’s not right. If you’ve been wondering whether to speak up, here are some signs that it may be time:
- Their drinking or drug use is becoming more frequent or intense
- They’ve had close calls like a DUI, overdose, or falling out with loved ones
- Their mood, health, or daily functioning has noticeably changed
- They’ve started isolating, lying, or hiding things from you
- You feel anxious or on edge about their behavior or safety
Even if you’re not sure how serious it is, trust your instincts. You don’t have to diagnose them or define the problem—you just have to speak from what you’ve seen and felt.
What to Know Before Confronting an Addict
This kind of conversation can feel emotional for both of you. Preparing ahead of time helps you stay calm, grounded, and focused on your purpose: helping someone you care about.
Addiction Is a Health Issue, Not a Character Flaw
It’s easy to feel frustrated when someone you love like a family member keeps making poor choices that hurt themselves or others. But addiction isn’t about weak willpower or bad morals. It’s a medical condition that affects the brain, especially in areas tied to impulse control and reward.
When you approach the conversation with compassion instead of blame, you’re more likely to be heard—and to build trust instead of pushing them away.
You Might Not Get the Reaction You Hope For
It’s natural to want a breakthrough moment—a sign that your words made a difference. But the person may respond with denial, defensiveness, or even anger. Try not to take it personally. These reactions are often rooted in fear or shame. Just because the response isn’t positive doesn’t mean the conversation wasn’t meaningful. Sometimes, your words take time to sink in.
Timing and Setting Matter
Try to talk when the person is sober and you both have time to focus. Avoid bringing it up during an argument or while they’re under the influence. Choose a quiet, private place where they won’t feel exposed or embarrassed. A calm setting helps lower their defenses so the conversation feels less like an attack and more like genuine concern.
Be Ready With Next Steps
If the person is open to help, it’s important to be prepared. Do a little research ahead of time so you can offer real suggestions—like a local rehab program, an outpatient center, or a counselor they could call. That way, you’re not just telling them to get help—you’re showing them what help can actually look like, which makes it feel more doable.
How to Start the Conversation
The tone you set makes a difference. When someone feels blamed or judged, they’re more likely to shut down. But when they feel seen, heard, and cared for, they may be more open to hearing your concerns.
Lead With Concern, Not Accusation
Instead of confronting them with harsh words or ultimatums, start from a place of care. You might say something like, “I’ve been worried about you lately, and I wanted to check in.” This simple approach can help lower their guard and make it clear that you’re speaking up because you care—not because you’re trying to control them.
Use “I” Statements to Share How You Feel
Speaking from your own perspective keeps the focus on your feelings rather than their behavior. For example: “I’ve noticed you seem really withdrawn, and I miss the way things used to be.” This makes the conversation feel less like an attack and more like a moment of honesty between two people who care about each other.
Stick to What You’ve Observed
You don’t have to label them as an addict or try to diagnose what’s going on. Instead, talk about specific things you’ve seen that concern you. For instance: “I noticed you’ve missed work a few times this month and haven’t been answering your phone.” Keeping the focus on your direct experiences helps keep the conversation grounded and less likely to turn into a debate.
Don’t Worry About Getting It Perfect
This kind of talk is rarely smooth or scripted. You might stumble over your words or feel nervous—and that’s okay. What matters most is that you show up with honesty and care. Even if the conversation doesn’t go the way you hoped, you’ve opened the door to change. Sometimes, planting that seed is the first real step toward healing.
Things Addicts Say When Confronted
Hearing excuses, deflections, or even anger during this kind of conversation is common. The person might not be ready to face the truth, or they may feel cornered and scared. Here are a few things they might say, and how to stay grounded in response:
“I don’t have a problem.”
This is one of the most common responses. Denial is a powerful part of addiction.
If the person shuts down or insists they don’t have a problem, try not to argue or push harder. You don’t have to convince them all at once. Instead, keep the door open and stay calm.
You might say:
- “I’m not here to judge you. I’m just really worried.”
- “You may not see it right now, but I’ve been seeing changes in you that don’t feel like you.”
- “If you ever want help, I’ll be here. You don’t have to go through it alone.”
- “I understand you don’t see it that way right now. But from the outside, it really looks like something’s going on.”
Even if the person isn’t ready to hear it now, your words might come back to them later, especially if you handle the moment with respect and care.
“It’s not that bad.”
Minimizing is another defense. The person may compare themselves to others or downplay how often they drink or use. But it’s not about hitting rock bottom—it’s about noticing when something’s starting to take control.
You might say:
- “Maybe it doesn’t feel serious to you, but I’ve seen how much it’s affecting your life.”
- “I’m not comparing you to anyone else. I just want you to feel like yourself again.”
- “If something’s hurting you or holding you back, it’s worth looking at—no matter how ‘bad’ it is.”
“You’re overreacting.”
When people feel called out, it’s not unusual for them to try to turn the attention back on you. Try not to take it personally. Stay steady and grounded in your concern.
You might say:
- “I know this might feel uncomfortable—but I’m speaking up because I care.”
- “I wouldn’t bring this up if I didn’t feel it was important.”
- “It’s okay if you’re upset with me right now. I still want the best for you.”
“Everyone does it. It’s normal.”
They may try to normalize their behavior to avoid feeling singled out. But even if a behavior is common, that doesn’t mean it’s healthy or sustainable.
You might say:
- “Maybe a lot of people do—but I’ve seen how it’s been affecting your mood, energy, and relationships.”
- “I’m not worried about what everyone else is doing. I’m worried about you.”
- “This isn’t about judgment—it’s about getting you back to feeling like yourself.”
What to Do if They’re Open to Help
If the person says they want help—or even shows a little curiosity about getting better—try to keep the momentum going. This doesn’t mean rushing them into a program that second. It means helping them take the next small step.
You can:
- Offer to help them look up local treatment centers or call a rehab facility together.
- Suggest making an appointment with a counselor or doctor to talk about options.
- Let them know you’ll support them through the process, even if it takes time.
Remind them that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a turning point. And you’ll be there to walk through it with them.
What to Do if They Aren’t Ready
If the person denies the problem or refuses to consider help, you may feel helpless. But that doesn’t mean your words didn’t matter.
Here’s what you can do in the meantime:
- Keep setting healthy boundaries. You can care about them without enabling their behavior.
- Check in now and then—not to push, but to remind them you’re still there.
- Educate yourself on addiction and local resources, so you’re ready if they change their mind.
- Take care of your own mental health, especially if the situation is weighing on you.
Sometimes the best thing you can do is keep the line of communication open and let them know help is always an option.
Need Support for a Loved One Struggling With Addiction?
You don’t have to handle this alone. If someone you care about is showing signs of addiction, we’re here to help you take the next step. Our team can walk you through our drug addiction and alcohol treatment plans, answer your questions, and help you support your loved one with care and confidence.
Contact us today to learn how we can help.