Alcoholism can be very destructive for both the alcoholic and his or her family and friends – the adult child of an alcoholic (“ACoA”) often feels this burden the most. The inappropriate behavior caused by his or her parent’s drinking can be very destructive – the Adults with alcoholic parents are constantly surrounded by attitudes and actions that create an unhealthy environment for their mental development.
Children of alcoholic parents often carry trauma from their childhood with them into adulthood. ACoAs live in families where at least one of the parent figures is an alcoholic. These children may find that arguments, violence, and inconsistency are regular occurrences at their homes. Growing up in an atmosphere like this has a huge impact on a child’s development.
What Is Life Like For Adults With Alcoholic Parents?
Growing up with an alcoholic parent often shapes a person’s adult life in ways that aren’t immediately obvious. Many adults in this situation carry the emotional weight of their childhood into relationships, work, and everyday decisions. Here’s what life can be like for them:
Constant Hypervigilance
Many adults raised by alcoholic parents grow up in unpredictable households. As a result, they often become highly attuned to others’ moods, constantly scanning for danger or signs of conflict. This state of alertness can carry into adulthood, making it difficult to relax, trust others, or feel emotionally safe — even in calm environments.
Trouble Setting Boundaries
When a parent’s drinking took up all the space in the home, their child’s needs were often ignored or minimized. As adults, they may struggle to say “no,” overextend themselves, or feel guilty for setting basic boundaries. They may fear that asserting themselves will lead to rejection, anger, or abandonment.
Fear of Conflict
For many, disagreement wasn’t safe growing up. It may have led to yelling, manipulation, or violence. As adults, this can lead to a deep fear of confrontation. They might avoid even healthy disagreements, suppress their feelings, or keep the peace at all costs—often at the expense of their own needs.
People-Pleasing Tendencies
Children of alcoholic parents often learn to earn approval by being helpful, quiet, or overly responsible. In adulthood, this can turn into chronic people-pleasing. They may tie their self-worth to how useful they are to others, often neglecting their own emotions, goals, or well-being.
Low Self-Esteem
Growing up in a home where love felt conditional or inconsistent can leave deep emotional scars. Many adults in this situation battle feelings of shame, inadequacy, or the belief that they’re inherently unlovable. They might work hard to prove themselves or constantly fear being “found out” as not good enough.
Difficulty Trusting Others
Broken promises, gaslighting, and emotional neglect make it hard to trust. Even as adults, many find it difficult to let people in fully. They may keep others at arm’s length, test people’s loyalty, or struggle to believe that anyone could truly care about them without conditions.
How Can Adult Children Born To Alcoholics Cope With Life?
Coping with addicted parents is difficult, in part, because many alcoholic families fervently deny that alcoholism is a problem. This can make it hard for children to identify the source of the problem, which in turn can make it hard to identify a solution. Some families contain the alcoholism only among themselves, sharing coping mechanisms between other family members. These strategies become ingrained as a part of the children’s survival tactics and can be very challenging to change or build upon.
Separating Past And Present
Adult children born to alcoholics often struggle with emotional outbursts and irrationality. A key component to avoiding situations like this is for the ACoA to acknowledge that he or she is rooted in the past. If an ACoA realizes that they are acting on the pain they felt as a child, they will be able to work towards avoiding similar situations in the future.
Seeking Help From Professionals
Psychotherapy is a highly recommended solution for adults born to alcoholics. It would be even more helpful if the family is willing to work together to overcome these problems. Group therapy can have a positive effect on the entire family. If the alcoholic is not ready for alcohol detox, he or she may benefit from one of these support groups:
- Al-Anon and Alateen meetings are a great way for the children of alcoholics to get help. Al-Anon is a support group that was developed for families who are affected by alcoholism. Alateen is a similarly functioning group that focuses on helping youth share their experiences. Both groups aim to help anyone whose lives have been affected by alcoholism.
- Co-dependents Anonymous is a support group created with the intention of breeding healthier relationships among people who struggle with co-dependency. A lot of alcoholic parents are enabled by their partner’s focus on the alcoholic’s needs. This result in the neglect of their children. Since the needs of their children aren’t met, they often seek solace and identity in others as they grow older – through their friends, partners, and even their children.
This group helps codependent partners or those who struggle with relationships due to being raised by codependent parents. They can share their experiences with others, develop new strategies for coping with their problems, and new techniques for meeting their needs independently.
SMART Recovery offers an alternative to the 12-step program used in typical alcohol abstention programs They offer online meetings daily, as well as face-to-face meetings in many places around the world. SMART Recovery is great for ACoAs who cannot get to meetings in person or who are unable to find success using a 12-step program.
Why Rehab for the Parent Matters — Even for Adult Children
Many adult children of alcoholics feel like it’s too late for things to change. The damage has been done. But when a parent enters treatment, especially a program that includes family therapy, it can open the door to long-overdue healing.
Rehab isn’t just about quitting alcohol. It’s also a space for parents to reflect on the harm their drinking caused, begin to take accountability, and learn how to rebuild broken relationships, starting with the ones that matter most.
Even adult children who have spent years coping with the fallout of their parent’s addiction can benefit when the parent seeks help. It won’t erase the past, but it can help both sides let go of silence, resentment, and emotional distance.
How Family Therapy Supports Healing on Both Sides
Family therapy in rehab gives everyone a seat at the table. It’s a space for open conversations, guided by a trained therapist, where the focus is on honesty, empathy, and repair.
For the adult child, it’s a chance to express how their parent’s drinking affected them. For the parent, it’s a chance to listen without defensiveness and begin to rebuild trust.
Some key benefits of family therapy in rehab:
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Breaks harmful communication patterns rooted in addiction
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Helps both sides understand each other’s emotional wounds
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Offers practical tools for rebuilding safe, respectful relationships
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Reduces the chances of relapse by strengthening family support systems
It’s Never Too Late to Heal as a Family
Addiction doesn’t just impact one person, it affects the entire family system. But healing can be collective, too.
Whether you’re an adult child still processing your past or a parent ready to take responsibility, recovery is possible. It starts with acknowledging the pain, facing it together, and choosing a path forward that includes support, honesty, and the willingness to change.
Rehab that offers family-focused care can be a turning point — not just for the person struggling with alcohol, but for the entire family. At Northpoint Recovery, we offer personalized alcohol addiction treatment that includes weekly family therapy sessions to start rebuilding trust and heal fractured relationships. Contact us today to learn more.